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[ in which derek and mark find out (that addison found a showerhead) ]

by kHo

Derek watches Mark staring off in the distance for a good two minutes before waving his hand. “Hey, Mark? You wanna actually come in my office or do you want to just stare at my diplomas for a while?’

Mark blinks and looks at him, frowning. “Oh. I didn´t even know I was coming here.’

Derek´s smile slips a bit. “Something wrong?’

“No,’ Mark says, walking around the chairs to stand in front of Derek´s desk, looking at Derek like he´s waiting for an answer without ever having asked a question.


Mark shakes his head and sits down, leaning forward. “Right, yeah, not a problem so much as… confusion.’

Derek makes a motion with is hand. “About…’

“Addison called me.’

“Ah,’ Derek says, nodding. “And you were wondering if we were at a place where it´s okay to talk about--’

“No, not even,’ Mark says, making a dismissive gesture. “No, she just… it was the weirdest call.’

“Okay.’ Derek leans forward and lowers his voice. “But, just so you know. We are. At that place. You can talk to me about her if you want to.’

Mark looks at him, his confusion ratcheting up a little. “What?’

“You know, if you´re upset about her being gone, or if you regret not trying harder… I´m past it. Well, not past it, but… I´m at a different place now. I love Meredith, and Addison is… I´m in a different place now.’

“No,’ Mark says, waving dismissively again. “God, Derek, get over it, it´s not that.’

“Oh,’ Derek says, blinking in confusion. “Okay.’

“So she calls me, just out of the blue. I´m in the middle of lunch, and my phone rings, and I don´t recognize the number but I answer anyway, and it´s Addison.’

Derek shrugs. “Okay.’

“And she says… I don´t need you anymore. I´m done with you.’ Mark throws up his hands. “Like, the moving across the country didn´t already give me that idea?’

Derek laughs. “Well yeah, it wasn´t exactly subtle.’

“Like maybe she took a page out of your book,’ Mark says, an eyebrow lifting up slyly.

“Continue,’ Derek says, rolling his eyes.

“So I say that. And she says, I did the thing I don´t do. And that now that she´s done it, she knows what an idiot she is, and she´ll be continuing to do the thing she doesn´t do from now on, so I can just get over myself.’

“Oh my god,’ Derek says, covering his face with his hands and starting to laugh. “She did not.’

“She did!’ Mark leans forward, grabbing Derek´s hands and pulling them away from his face. “What the hell did she not do?’

“You don´t want to know,’ Derek says, fighting back a giggling fit. He´s a fully grown man, he should not be having a giggling fit. He´s a doctor for God´s sake! “Trust me, just… just ignore it.’

Mark gives him a hard look. “I thought you said we were ‘at that place´, huh? What happened to being able to talk about this.’

“Oh, this isn´t that,’ Derek says, pointing between them. “This isn´t about us, this is about Addison finally… doing things. Doing the things that she does not do. And you don´t want to know about it.’

“What, is she not shaving her armpits,’ Mark asks, throwing up his hands. “I honestly haven´t the slightest freakin´ clue what she´s doing that she doesn´t do. Did she die her hair blonde, what?’

“No,’ Derek says, a teeny tiny giggle slipping out despite his best efforts. “Cold.’

“Did she have a one night stand?’

Derek laughs even louder. “You´re slightly warmer.’

Mark growls in frustration. “Hire a stripper? A prostitute?’

“Think about it,’ Derek says, taking a deep breath, trying to get a hold of himself. “She didn´t call me, she called you.’

Mark shrugs. “And?’

“What was your relationship with her mostly built on?’

“Sex,’ Mark says, not even stopping for one second to think abou tit. His eyes widen and then he shoots Derek an apologetic look. “I mean… uh…’

“That´s not news to me,’ Derek says, laughing again. “So now she´s calling to tell you she doesn´t need you anymore.’

Mark nods, looking contemplative. “So she´s having sex…’

“Sex is something she´s done. She´s had sex.’ He motions to Mark. “But you´re very, very warm.’

“For Christ´s sake, Derek, just tell me the goddamned--’

“She´s discovered the wonders of self-love, Mark,’ Derek says, very carefully not looking at him. “Thereby eliminating her need for you to come over and get naked in her shower.’

Mark frowns. “Self-love.’ Then his eyes widen, and Derek´s back to trying not to get started on what he´s sure will be a never-ending giggle fit. “She masturbated?!’

“Jesus, Mark,’ Derek says, covering his face with a hand. “Wanna say it louder, I don´t think pediatrics heard you.’

Mark leans forward, shock etched on every inch of his face. “She´s never… seriously? She´s never… not even once?’

Derek grins. “Nope.’

“No,’ Mark says, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head. “No, I don´t buy it. No way. She is not a masturbation virgin, not even.’

“She totally is,’ Derek says, standing up. “Now, if we could stop talking about this.’

“Oh, get over it, Derek, I know you jerk off, you know I jerk off, I freakin´ taught you how to jerk off, so stop being embarrassed.’

Derek swallows. “You didn´t teach me how to.’

“I instructed you,’ Mark says, pointing up at him. “I told you how, I drew you a goddamned diagram!’

“Yeah, two grapes and a banana is a diagram.’

Mark laughs. “Hey, I never claimed to be an artist.’

“And I´m not embarrassed,’ Derek says, walking towards the door, charts stockpiled in his arms. “I just don´t think Addison really intended for you to know that about her.’

“Then she shouldn´t have called me.’ Mark grins, looking up at Derek. “Holy crap. Addison just called me to tell me she masturbated.’

Derek laughs and the top chart falls off the pile onto the floor, papers scattering. “Looks that way.’

Mark picks up the chart and shoves the papers back inside, standing and putting it back on the pile in Derek´s arms. “I so have to razz her about this, right?’

“Oh, I think you do,’ Derek says, grinning right back. “I think it´s a moral imperative.’

Mark rubs his hands together as they exit the office together. “Think I should send her a dildo?’

Derek laughs so hard he almost drops the whole pile that time.

All feedback much appreciated!
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