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aliens don't have the same sense of shame that we do - self-indulgence due to the fact that jason momoa is god-help-me-so-damn-hot
The first time John realized he was going to have to stop putting off having The Talk with Ronon they were on a planet inhabited mostly by the animals that must've inspired the stories of Centaurs... though really, it was more a donkey than a horse, but honestly that's not the important part of this story..
It had been Rodney's idea to make this a vacation, but if John were being honest it was only because Rodney had suggested it first. the creatures around them might look half human, but they didn't speak and all they'd done thusfar was eat grass and drink water and stare adoringly at Teyla, so. John's little 'really good prospects as far as trading goes' excuse to Elizabeth for an overnight was a little bit more than a white lie.
They were trading vacation stories back and forth and John would have assumed that he and Rodney woud have more of those than either Teyla or Ronon, but it turned out the one most lacking in vacation tales was actually Rodney, which he found very sad and yet completely unsurprising once he realized it. there was one thing that McKay just didn't know how to do, and that was relaxing. Most of Rodney's stories consisted of blocks of time usually an hour long, when maybe he indulged and ate in a restaurant instead of hunched over his computer.
There was a breif mention of family vacations but Rodney's face got all pinched and his mouth went into a hard line and John got the feeling that Rodney's childhood maybe rivaled his own so far as awkwardly painful went, so he quickly passed the torch to Ronon.
Ronon, of course, had the most interesting stories.
And somewhere right around the time when John and Rodney were arguing on whether or not it would be okay to kill a baby centaur for dinner ("But I'm hungry," followed quickly by "No, McKay, that's like killing a unicorn!" followed derisively with "oh please, unicorns don't exist" which was of course followed by "hello... CENTAURS DON'T EITHER BUT OBVIOUSLY HERE THEY DO!") John looked over to Teyla for help and followed her line of sight to see Ronon standing there, stark naked, scratching his ass and looking at the small pond.
"Uh," John said, feeling his face flush.
Teyla looked at him, all calm and serene, that twinkle of amusement in her eyes. "It seems that Ronon has decided to wash before dinner."
"OH MY GOD!" McKay's face was beet red, his eyes wide and pupils blown, and then he was slapping a hand over his face and mumbling something about unholy horrors and being blind for the rest of his life.
"What," Ronon said, sounding distracted and turning to face them, the sunlight fading into dusk and framing his lithe body.
John had the sudden thought that this is exactly what artists pined for, the perfect form, the epitome of everything beautiful in the world, because just looking at Ronon was like being in front of the Statue of David, the Mona Lisa, the freakin' Sistine Chapel, all rolled into one in the perfectly tanned, perfectly toned, perfectly unabashedly naked man standing before him.
"We don't, um...." John cleared his throat, eyes flicking over to Rodney who was not so subtley back to staring at Ronon through the slits in his fingers. "We don't ya know... do that."
Ronon frowned, cocking his head to the side, dreads going askew and even they were perfect, knotty ropes of hair that shouldn't be sexy in any way except that on Ronon, somehow they were. "Do what? Bathe?"
"Yes, we don't bathe," Rodney snapped, jerking his hands down to glare at Ronon. "What the Colonel is trying to say is that we tend to not get naked in front of one another without at least a warning!"
"Right," John said, snapping his fingers and pointing at Rodney. "What he said."
"Mm," Ronon said, shrugging his shoulders and still making no attempt to cover himself, kicking his clothes to the side with his feet. "Why?"
"Because..." John wracks his brain but the sheer lunacy of watching Ronon's cock lay there limp and still larger than probably any cock he's ever seen made it impossible for him to actually speak. "Uh."
"Because we don't," Rodney said, nodding decicively.
"Mm," Ronon said again, and then he grinned, the widest most beautiful grin, a grin that looked so completely out of place on Ronon's face according to what John knew of him thus far that John found his mouth dropping open at the mere sight of it. "Whatever."
Ronon turned and walked slowly to the edge of the pond, dipping a foot in, testing the water temperature, and then gliding his way in, and John's eyes didn't move one inch away from watching as the water slowly, slowly, so achingly slowly rose higher and higher and higher until it finally reached Ronon's ass and covered it.
"Huh," Rodney said, biting into a power bar. "Interesting."
"What," John asked, feeling flushed and horny, heart pounding a mile a minute and the sudden urge to get up and run threatening to make him explode. "What's interesting?"
Rodney looked at him and shrugged. "Circumsized."
John blinked and then gaped at him. "You were looking?!"
Rodney snorted and rolled his eyes. "Of course I looked."
John flushed and shook his head to cover it. "Jesus, McKay."
"Oh, like you weren't," Rodney said, reaching over and plucking the still untouched powerbar from John's hands. "By the way, Colonel? I'm well aware that's not a roll of quarters in your pants."
John's eyes bulged and he blinked to keep them in their sockets. "I don't know what you're talking about, McKay."
"Umhm," Rodney singsonged, grinning and looking up at the sky. "Whatever you say, Sheppard."
John let his eyes wander over Rodney's form to find that he too had a pretty sizable erection pressing up into his BDU's, and only then did he relax. "You know. I think there's another pond," he said casually, looking over at Teyla to be sure that she was still blissfully unaware of anything other than Ronon. "In uh... the other direction."
"Huh," Rodney said, looking up at him and grinning. "You think?"
"Yeah," John said, nodding. "In fact, I'm pretty damn positive."
Rodney nodded and continued to stare at him, and suddenly John was so throbbingly hard he couldn't even breathe anymore. "They say it's polite to wash up for dinner. I suppose we couldn't go wrong with a quick dip."
John swallowed and watched Rodney stand up. "Yeah," he said, unfolding his legs and hoping they'd carry him far enough to atleast get under the canopy of trees before he shoved Rodney into the nearest upright surface and rubbed up against him until he came. "Sounds like a plan."
John keeps Rodney alive in the snapshots in his head because he's been missing for four months now, but he hadn't seen a body damnit, and as soon as he forgets Rodney's face he'll know he's dead.
The way his mouth quirked over a laugh he didn't want to let go. The way it turned down when he couldn't figure something out, when things didn't go the way they were supposed to.
The way his eyes looked when he was truly terrified. Not paranoid, not just being a hypochondriac, but absolutely, utterly, truly terrified. The way his eyes looked when he was amused, when he was aroused, when he was furious, when he was in love.
The way his hands flew over the keyboard, fingers pressing keys in rapid succession, the sharp staccato of key to plastic echoing in the empty lab. The way they shifted over John's skin, such stark contrast to the way they were in the lab, slow, deliberate, reverent.
The way he dealt with words first, as collateral, as weapons, as threats, as promises, as everything. The way when it came down to it, when words inevitably failed, his fingers had stopped shaking when he held that gun. The way when it finally called for it, he would squeeze that trigger with just as much precision as he delivered an insult.
He keeps room for one more, because he knows one day he'll gate to another world or he'll fall down some hole somewhere and there will be Rodney, looking at him with those eyes, gesturing at him with those hands, lobbing words at him so fast he won't be able to comprehend half of them, fingers catching on the gun at his hip because he learned from John that you never let go of your sidearm a long time ago.
One day he'll file that snapshot away too, and maybe then he'll let Rodney see what he's never been able to say in words.
When he first met Mitch and Dex he though oh god, these guys? Not that he´d ever met them before, ever seen them before even, but he knew them. Knew their type. These guys that signed up for the Air Force cause maybe they didn´t want to be mechanics the rest of their lives, and hey, them planes went real fast anyway.
They drove their cars too fast and knew how to handle a curve, and weren´t so stupid they didn´t know how to adopt car knowledge to helicopter knowledge, so there they were, right next to him, and they were going to annoy him to death if they didn´t get him killed.
They were always laughing. Always. Mitch with his pudgy cheeks all pink and glowing with sweat and Dex with his eyes squinted, laughing. All the time. And it´s not that John didn´t laugh, not that he didn´t appreciate the need to let off steam and find the sick humor that you tend to find out there in the trenches in a god forsaken place like this, but god. They were always laughing.
She was hot, huh Major,’ Mitch would say, elbowing him in the side. No one else did that. No one else would elbow a Major and grin up at him like they were buddies at the frat house. I mean, take away the burka, and ya know, give ‘er a wash or two, and she´d be hot.’
Mitch and Dex were attached at the hip, and John´s pretty sure it´s because they were both southern. Mitch from Texas and Dex from Louisiana, and they were the only ones that actually didn´t hate potato peeling duty. John learned that lesson when he assigned the duty to them to come around three hours later and see Dex wearing a helmet made out of old dried up potato skin and Mitch singing ‘Let´s Call the Whole Thing Off´ into the peeler.
Then six men got taken and John spent the whole afternoon arguing with his superiors that he could get them back, damnit, if they´d just let him bomb the crap out of the city and swoop on down.
He took it into his own hands though and two hours later he was in the air alone, no copilot, and wondering if he´d made the right decision. His radio buzzed and there was Mitch with We´ve got your six, sir’ and ready when you are’ and John felt fury and fear fill him and he yelled at them to fall back and get back to base immediately or they´d be court marshaled right behind him too.
Not gonna happen, Major,’ Dex had said. Those are our guys too.’ John had called them idiots and he could hear the laughter of both men staticing through his radio and he actually smiled at it. Well, sir,’ Mitch had said. I´m guessing three idiots is always better than one.’
They´d gotten five of the six men back. The sixth had been dead before they´d even found out they were missing.
John had always been the rogue anyway, always been that hotshot fighter pilot that all the guys wanted to be and all the higher-ups hated and envied. He started playing rummy with Mitch and Dex after that mission when they were grounded for a week and found that yeah, they were loud, yeah, they were obnoxious, yeah, they were kind of meatheaded, but hell.
This was Afghanistan and everything was dry and dirty and desolate and if these two guys could find something to laugh about, maybe John liked them after all. Besides. When it came down to it, they were there when the others weren´t. That meant something.
When they got back up in the air Mitch and Dex became his backup. The ones he always counted on, because they had just as much of an inability to let their men go as he did. They knew everyone, knew everyone´s business, and knew every single reason why these guys, these guys, had to be brought back.
Knew that Bobby had a goat at home that he called Sally and that his sister sent him pictures of her once a month just because of all the things back home, he missed that damn goat most of all. Knew that Jimmy had a brother at home who had cerebral palsy and loved Ricky Ticky Tavvy like most men loved Star Wars. Knew that Julio had a baby at home that just learned how to say ‘my Daddy´s a hero´ and a wife that cried every time Julio said he loved her when he called home.
Eventually they knew that John´s Mom died when he was fourteen and that his father never thought he was good for anything, but that took a good long while for them to know, and it´s the one thing they didn´t tell anyone else.
John/Rodney, wine, pg beeej
John sinks down into his seat after letting Rodney in to his room. Sit.’
Rodney frowns at him and pulls out the chair. Is this the part where you bitch at me about all the things I´ve done wrong?’
John frowns at him and picks up a bottle of Athosian wine, sliding his hands around the glass. Have I ever done that?’
Rodney watches him fondling the bottle and shifts a little in his seat. No, you usually only bitch in the middle of me screwing up, not after.’
Right.’ John nods and then pulls his cup closer and tips the wine bottle over on top of it. Then he grins and slides the cup over to Rodney. Here. Get drunk with me.’
You want to get drunk?’
I´m more than halfway there, Rodney, and yes. Yes. I wanna get drunk.’ He grins then, clanking the wine bottle against Rodney´s glass and bringing it up to his mouth. And I wanna get drunk with you.’
Rodney shakes his head. Why?’
Because life´s a bitch and then you die, or if you´re not lucky enough to die, you come to another galaxy where there´s life-sucking vampires and god damned solar-system obliterating weapons, so fuck the world s. Let´s get high.’ He frowns then, tipping his head. Or, drunk, in this case.’
Why with me,’ Rodney clarifies, because he should probably shut up and take this reprieve, but John´s been pissed at him since Doranda and this sudden urge to get drunk with him sounds like too much of a set up. Sounds too good to be true.
Because you´re my friend, Rodney,’ John says slowly, counting off on his fingers. Because you´re my friend, and because besides me you´re the one with the most stress around here, and I would have invited Elizabeth too except I think she might be in love with me and I´m not interested so it´s probably a very, very bad idea to get drunk with her.’
Rodney frowns at that, because since when did John acknowledge his Kirk-status? Okay.’
And,’ John says, pointing a finger at him. And, most importantly, I want you.’
Rodney almost chokes on the mouthful of wine. You. What?!’
I want you, and I think maybe you want me too, and I don´t know, but this week has been miserable Rodney, it´s been miserable, and I hate being mad at you, so I´m not anymore,’ John says, leaning forward, more emotion on his face that Rodney´s seen since meeting him. I´m not mad at you anymore, because whatever, solar system, I don´t even care, that´s not the point, the point is I want you, and if I´m drunk maybe I can let myself admit that and if you´re around, and you‘re interested, maybe I can have you.’
Rodney closes his eyes and wonders if the Athosian´s have found a way to slip a rufie into their wine, because there´s no way this is happening when he´s only had half a glass. Colonel.’
John´s grin fades and he nods. So then yeah.’ He nods again and sits back in his seat. So you don´t want me back. That´s cool. We´re still friends though,’ he says, pointing and glaring at Rodney. Just cause you´re not interested doesn´t mean you get to withhold your friendship from me like you have been this week, because it´s been miserable.’
Rodney shook his head, and this is just the most surreal experience he´s ever had. Withhold my friendship? Colonel, you´re the one who´s been pissed at me, remember?’
Oh,’ John says, looking confused. Right.’
And second of all ’ Rodney leans forward, fixing John with a confused look. You want me?’
John´s expression darkens. That´s not fair, Rodney. That´s not fair. I bare my soul to you, and you throw it back in my face? Ya know, you really don´t need to mock me, I´m fine if you´re not interested, we can just drop it--’
Oh for God´s sake,’ Rodney says, reaching forward and grabbing John´s hands just to get him to shut up. I didn´t say I wasn´t interested, I wasn´t mocking you, and also, excuse me, but we´ve known each other for almost two years and you all of a sudden tell me you want me? Can I get a second or two to grasp that?’
John looks down at him and the corner of his mouth quirks up on a smile. One Mississippi ’
The smile widens. Two Mississippi ’
Oh, fine,’ Rodney says, grabbing John´s face and pulling him down, fitting his lips against John´s.
John immediately groans into the kiss and then he pulls back and sets the wine on the table, hands rising to cup Rodney´s face, big grin splitting his face before he was kissing Rodney again, barely giving him time to wind his fingers in John´s shirt before his tongue was making its way past Rodney´s lips.
So worth it,’ John whispers against his mouth, letting out a small laugh.
Worth what,’ Rodney whispers back, feeling his head spin and knowing it wasn´t from the wine.
The humiliation I´m gonna feel tomorrow,’ John says, laughing again and leaning forward to kiss him again.
Humiliation,’ Rodney says, pushing back slightly to look at him. For what?’
John nods. For baring my soul.’
Rodney frowns. Baring your soul. You told me you wanted me, and that you thought Elizabeth was in love with you.’
John frowns at him. That´s the equivalent to baring my soul, Rodney!’
Rodney snorts. Your soul has very little to show, hm?’
Don´t insult my soul,’ John yells, pulling back and glaring at him. I have a very deep soul, and shut up anyway!’
Rodney just continues to grin at him. Whatever you say, Colonel.’
John narrows his eyes at him. I kind of hate you sometimes, you know that Rodney?’
And yet,’ Rodney says, smirking and pulling on John´s shirt to bring him closer again. You still want me.’
John sighs and looks very sad for a moment. I kind of still do, yeah.’
Rodney kisses him again before he changes his mind.