Main fanfic page

Pirates of the Caribbean
Sports Night
Once Upon a Time in Mexico
The Royal Tenenbaums
The West Wing

Bedtime Annoyances
Pirates of the Caribbean, PG


Aye Will.

What was my father like?


What was my father…

I heard ye Will.

Then why did you…

He was a good man, Will, now go to sleep.

I just want to know if he was really a good man, or if that's just something you tell me to shut me up.

Well seeing as how you're still talking, William…


He really was, Will.



In what way?

Will, I swear to the Holy Mother herself, your father was a good and honorable man.

Who was a pirate.

Aye. As are you.

Yes, but…

But what? He was a pirate, you was and is and will be as well. And you're both good men.

In what way?

In any way that counts, Will.




Good boy. Now rest your eyes, get some sleep.

Goodnight Jack.

Night sweet William.

I'll most likely ask you again in the morning.

I know.

Mr. Shane McArnold
Sports Night, PG

He is.

He's not.

He is.

He's not.

He's a twit and anyone who tells you any differently is selling something.

He's not.

He's a twit and he always has been and he always will be.

He's really not.



He's just about the biggest twit I've ever had the misfortune of watching play baseball, Casey.

Mr. Shane McArnold…

And the way you call him Mr.? Driving me nuts, seriously.

It's a little thing called respect, Jeremy.

It's a little thing called blind hero worship.

You got that from Dana.

So what if I did?

I'm just saying… I know you got that from Dana.

Dana's been known to come up with a pearl or two in the time I've known her.

And if I said to you that Dana was the one, in fact, that was a twit?

I'd say that you really need to look behind you before you say things like that.

She's not there. Or… was she before I looked?


She wasn't there at all?


Then why…

Because it's fun to watch your eyes get all wide and see if your head will spin around in a 180.

Man of Mystery
Once Upon a Time in Mexico, R

Listen fuckmook…

I do not think that word means what you think it means.


I don't think that's actually a word.

It is if I say it is.


I made it up, janglefuck.

I don't think that's a word either.

Yeah? Well bite me.

Maybe later.

Yeah, see, that's not a maybe.


You think you're mysterious but you're not.


You think I don't know your game, but I do.

I do not play games.

Oh right. It's me that plays games.

And me that cleans them up.

Damn straight you do.

If I didn't, we'd never make it to the next town.

See, all I'm hearing is that you care about my wellbeing.

Oh yeah?



Again, with the vagueness.

I'm a man of much vagueocity.

See, now that? Totally not a word.

I learned it by watching you.

Killing Me Softly
The Royal Tenenbaums, PG13

Why did you do it?

Because I was sad, Eli.

Yeah, but…

Why do you do drugs?

I suppose for the same reason.

And isn't it the same?

Not really.


Because the drugs are killing me slowly. You were trying to kill yourself quickly.


So. Not the same. Really.

Yeah, Eli, it is.

Yeah. I know.

What is it about Margot Tenenbaum that makes men like us want to kill themselves?

Well. I think maybe it's…

Her sadness.

I think that's part of it, yeah.


And the other part…

The other part… I don't know.

It's an enigma.

A mystery.

An unknown.


She'll never be satisfied.

Yeah. But that's okay.


Because none of us are.

Just promise me one thing, Richie.

What's that, Eli?

Don't do it again.

I don't think I can promise that.

It won't solve anything. It'll still be there.

Yeah. But I won't feel it.

Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.

Get in the Game
The West Wing, PG13

She left?


She quit?


She's gone?

Yeah… how many more ways can you ask me that?

Donna left?


Did you tell her?

Tell her what?

That you loved her.

…. What?

Did you tell her…

I heard you.

Well then did you?

… Mr. President, I don't love…

Oh horseshit, Josh, you do and you know you do.

I'm sorry, did you just say…

Horseshit. Life ends, son. Life ends quicker than you want it to. Look at me. I'm lying here, probably dying…

You'll be fine…

I won't be fine, Josh. I have MS.

I mean…

I know what you mean. What I'm saying is life ends. And there are these things that you'll sit there thinking about as you count out your last breaths… Don't wait til then, Josh. It'll be too late.

What are you thinking?

Oh, many things. You want to know a secret though, Josh?

What's that, Mr. President?

Get in the game. Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. Put them all the shame the next time you see her.

That's what you're thinking?

No, that's what I'm saying. What I'm thinking is what country do I have to wage war on to get a good Miso Soup these days?

Um… Japan?

All feedback much appreciated!
Read Comments - Post Comment