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[ (Three of) Five Ways Having Another Consciousness (Could´ve) Got(ten) Rodney Laid ]

i. sometimes doctor-patient confidentiality doesn´t quite cover it

Rodney blinks the sleep out of his eyes and reaches up to scratch at his pillow-smushed hair. “Carson?’

Carson swallows, his eyes darting around nervously. “Rodney. I.’ He swallows again and nods, finally meeting Rodney´s eyes. “I wanted to see how you were feeling?’

Rodney frowns in confusion and irritation, because damnit, he was sleeping, finally, for once, without someone else in his head. Or, at least, for the first time in three long, long, long days. “I´m feeling tired Carson.’

Carson nods again and bounces on his feet for a moment. “So uh.’

Rodney slouches against the doorframe and glares at him. “What?’

Carson looks up at him, wide-eyed and bewildered. “You. Ah.’

Rodney motions quickly with his hand. “Yes, yes, out with it.’

Carson swallows once more and then moves into Rodney´s personal space, making Rodney look up sharply and blink again, because he´s still half asleep and… is Carson looking at his lips? “You kissed me.’

“I.’ Rodney´s mouth shuts up and he slaps a hand to his face. “Oh, I see. Yes. No. You see--’

He doesn´t get to finish though because Carson´s hands are in his shirt and he´s hauling him forward and then Rodney´s muffling the rest of his explanation against Carson´s lips and then he´s falling silent because Carson´s mouth is soft and supple and not unlike a woman´s and he´s not exactly averse to the idea because it´s been a while.

Then Carson´s tongue is in his mouth and he´s grabbing Carson´s shirt back and pulling him closer and making muffled sounds again that don´t have anything to do with being interrupted.

Carson´s lips are suddenly not there anymore and Rodney can´t open his eyes because his whole body is still tingling and Carson´s stammering. “I´m. I´m sorry, Rodney. You´re tired. Of course. I should´ve waited until--’

“If you think for one second,’ Rodney says, tightening his grip on Carson´s shirt and shoving him to the side so he can shut the door, pushing him up against the wall and crowding in, “that you´re going to come in here and kiss me and then back out of it--’

“You´ve been under duress Rodney, it was incredibly irresponsible of me to choose now--’

“Shut up,’ Rodney growled, kissing Carson again, shoving his tongue in his mouth when he feels Carson trying to push him away, pressing a leg between Carson´s when he feels him finally relent and start kissing him back.

“I can´t believe I´m doing this,’ Carson breathes when Rodney pulls back to catch his breath, his fingers twitching on Rodney´s biceps. “I don´t even find you tolerable most of the time, much less--’

“Yes, yes, I´m annoying, I´m loud, I´m obnoxious,’ Rodney mumbles, bending his head to bite at Carson´s neck, pressing his body into Carson´s and moaning when he feels Carson´s hard-on pressing back. Carson´s eyes are rolled back in his head and Rodney grins, nipping at his jaw. “And for the record, I didn´t kiss you.’

“Of course you did, Rodney, right before…’

“Nope,’ Rodney says, feeling light and happy and just this side of hysterical. “That was Cadman.’

Carson´s eyes go wide and he slams up against the wall, like maybe he can shrink into it and get away from Rodney. “Laura?’

Rodney nods and then kisses Carson again, because he´s forgotten how much he likes kissing. He thinks maybe he could just kiss Carson for about an hour and have it be better than sex. Then he thinks he must have gone insane, and reaches down to squeeze Carson through his pants.

“Rodney! Hold on, hold on, you´re telling me that you didn´t kiss me, that it was in fact Laura?’

Rodney rolls his eyes and leans his forehead on the wall beside Carson´s head. “Yes. Now if you´ll shut up--’

“I thought she was covering for you.’

Rodney pulls his head back. “What?’

Carson blinks at him and his hands twitch again on Rodney´s sleeves. “Laura said it was her and I didn´t believe her.’

Rodney´s smile starts out pleased and turns into cocky. “You wanted it to be me.’

Carson glares at him, his mouth turning down defensively. “I most certainly did no--’

“Ha!’ Rodney points at him and backs up, smirking. “Liar! You wanted it to be me so badly that when Cadman told you it was her, you activelyrefused to believe it!’

“No, I…’ Carson fades off on a grunt when Rodney starts pulling on his pants, shoving them down and stepping closer again. “Rodney, this is an incredibly bad--’

“Shush,’ Rodney says, reaching for his own boxers and shoving them down, kicking them off. “You came here for sex, with me, because you wanted me to be the one kissing you, aside from all the evidence to the contrary, because you want me.’

Carson rolls his eyes. “Rodney.’

“No,’ Rodney says, shaking his head and reaching down to grab onto Carson´s dick, because he´s pretty much familiar with jerking a man off, he´s done it to himself so many times he lost count around the age of twelve, so he figures he´s at least got the rudimentary skills, and anyway, Carson´s making sounds like he´s not too far off. “Just admit it.’

“I came here to tell you that I considered you a friend,’ Carson says, a little breathless, voice wavering.

“And that you wanted to be friends with benefits, perfectly understandable,’ Rodney says, nodding and grabbing for Carson´s hand. “This works better when there´s reciprocation.’

Carson bit his lip and tried to jerk his hand away. “I had no intention of coming over here to kiss you, Rodney, my purpose was to--’

“That doesn´t matter now,’ Rodney says, finally getting Carson´s hand on his, very hard now, dick, and sighing in satisfaction when Carson´s fingers wrapped around it. “I´m not complaining.’

Carson made a sound that made Rodney´s hair stand up on end and a shudder run through his body because it was the embodiment of sex and he lurched forward and latched his lips to Carson´s and tried to suck the noise right out of his diaphragm again.

Carson´s fingers finally, finally, finally started to move on him, and he knew it wasn´t going to take very long because it had been way too long, it had been way too long back when he was still on Earth even, because there had been diagnostics to run and charts to graph and preparations to be made and cats to be stowed with neighbors who were hot and not interested in him in the slightest, much less here with the Wraith and the Genii and the running for his life thing.

Carson jerks upright suddenly and then he´s groaning in Rodney´s mouth and come is spurting all over Rodney´s hand and he´d never been adverse to the idea, in theory anyway, but he hadn´t known it would be as hot as it is, the sounds of Carson´s muffled moans and the feel of slick sticky come on his fingers, and then he´s coming too and almost biting down on Carson´s tongue.

“Well,’ Carson says when Rodney leans back against the wall next to him, a sated smile plastered over his face and his eyes closed. “That was interesting, certainly.’

“Yes it was,’ Rodney says, laughing and looking at him. “What was it you wanted to say?’

Carson licks his lips. “That I value our friendship, and I hope you understand that I don´t feel the same way.’

Rodney smirks. “And now?’

Carson gestures to his pants around his ankles with his sticky hand and shrugs helplessly. “That perhaps sexual relations could be used as an effective method for destressing our minds and bodies?’

Rodney grins and closes his eyes again. “I´ll say.’

“For our mental and physical well-being only, of course,’ Carson says, breathing deeply and closing his eyes as well.

“Of course.’



ii. so about that time i bent you over backwards and kissed you breathless

He hasn't seen Katie since the worst date in the history of ever, so of course when he runs into her in the hallway he's completely unprepared. Something that sounds like "funiguh" comes out of his mouth and his hand starts flailing.

She's smiling at him though, and he hadn't expected that. "Hey, Rodney," she says, and that sweet smile that always makes something flip in his stomach appears on her face so he figures maybe his little bout of insanity hadn't ruined this.

"Hi," he says, nodding quickly, flashing a grin. "Uh. And. How have you been?"

"Good," she says, and then he realizes that she's not even looking at his face, not looking into his eyes like she normally had, because she's too busy letting her eyes roam his whole body. "So, I was wondering."

He swallows and mentally berates his dick, because it's not his fault that having her eyes traveling his body did things to him. "Hm?"

She looks up at him and he almost jumps when her hand closes over his forearm. "Are you busy right now?"

"Now," he asks, and his heart is pounding and damnit, he always got nervous like this in front of her, because she was so sweet and demure and so not like him at all, and he was just positive that one of these days she was going to realize he wasn't who she obviously thought he was and he'd have lost her before he even had her. "Busy? Um. No?"

"Good," she says, and then her hand tightens on his arm and there's this spark in her eye that on anyone else Rodney would have called wicked. But Katie's not wicked, Katie's a botanist, she likes flowers and she probably cries every time Bambi dies, and she's sweet. So clearly he's seeing things that aren't there.

He's obviously imagining things too, because he's pretty sure that Katie Brown would not have just shoved him into a darkened room that wasn't hers or his and kissed him without even bothering to turn on the lights.

Rodney's not going to complain though, because imagination or not, her lips feel so good on his and her hand is on his chest, and they've only kissed once before now and that wasn't even him. He lifts his hands and cups her face in them because even if this isn't real, he's still going to be a gentleman about it, and he's so hesitant when he brushes his tongue against her lips that he's not even sure he actually did it.

Her mouth is hot and wet and her tongue's brushing against his and her mouth fits so perfectly over his and he can feel himself starting to melt. Her hand slides up his chest to his shoulder and then behind his neck and up into his hair and he thinks he makes a noise at that point but he's not sure, he just knows that he wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her closer.

"I've been thinking about this ever since the other night," she whispers breathlessly against his cheek as he bends his head to press his lips against her pulse. It's beating rapidly and he smiles against her skin and tries to decide if she smells like lavender or freesia. "I wasn't sure if you liked me or not…"

"Of course I like you," he says, lifting his head to look into her eyes. It's too dark to read them but he can see the whites and if he concentrates hard enough he can see the smile on her face so he grins back. "Of course I do."

"Yes, I thought you might," she says, and her voice sounds almost mischievous again and Rodney's really going to have to ask her tomorrow if this really happened or not. "You kept rescheduling our date, and you never seem comfortable around me, but I thought maybe you were just nervous."

Rodney swallows and runs his fingers through her hair because he doesn't want to admit that he was, and still is, incredibly nervous. "I like you."

"And then you kissed me," she says, and he lets out a surprised burst of air as she suddenly presses up against him, her thigh pressing up against his dick that's already half hard and making it fully hard. "That kiss was amazing."

"Oh," Rodney breathes out, because she's rocking against him lightly and his head is threatening to spin off and he keeps having to tell his brain to function, damnit, just keep functioning. "Ah, yes. About that."

He stops then, because he doesn't know how to go from there. What's he going to say? That wasn't me, that was the other consciousness in my head? That was actually a woman kissing you? Which had, of course, given him some very interesting mental pictures over the past few days, but probably wasn't really something she'd like all that much.

Of course, he would've had to stop anyway, because she's kissing him again, her tongue in his mouth and he's almost certain that she has to be the devil's minion because even just that, her tongue on his, is something he can feel all the way down in his dick, and this just isn't Katie Brown, sweet and shy botanist.

"I want you, Rodney," she whispers against his mouth, and then her hand is sliding down his chest and down his stomach and down his pants, inside his pants, and oh, oh god. "Please. Now. I don't want to wait for you to ask me out again."

He thinks she can't possibly be asking for what it sounds like, but her fingers are rubbing him through his boxers and they're pretty damn convincing, and he can't even breathe right now. "Kat… Katie… oh…"

"Yes," she hisses against his neck, her hand slipping out of his pants and just when he's about to protest he realizes she's unzipping his pants with one and sliding the other up under his shirt. "I have condoms."

"Yes, okay, fine," he says, because he tried, he really tried, to respect the fact that maybe she's lost her mind or been taken over by some kind of over-sexualized pod being, but enough is enough, so he grabs her face and kisses her again, all tongue and teeth because that's what got him here to begin with.

This might not be his room but they're all set up the same way anyway so he walks her back to where he knows the bed is. He feels her weight start to shift so he reaches around and catches her, lowers her to the bed and crawls on top of her. He's so hard now he doesn't know what to do with himself so he concentrates on her, reaching down and unzipping her pants and tugging them off of her hips.

He runs his hands down her thighs because they're shapely and he's always loved the supple curves of her body, it's what had made him ask her out to begin with, and her underwear is so white he can see it even in the dark and somehow that makes it even hotter.

She pulls him down and kisses him again and whispers in his ear that her condoms are in the pocket of her jeans so he crawls off the bed and grabs her jeans again, digging in the pocket to feel not just one but three condoms. He stands up and pushes his pants off of his hips and suddenly he doesn't know where to go from here.

It's okay though because Katie sits up and rests her palms on his hips, the heat from her skin flooding his whole body with warmth and then her lips rest on his hip. "Give it to me," she whispers, her hair brushing lightly over his dick and making his breath catch. "Rodney? The condom."

"Oh, yes," he says, and then he hands it to her, and it reminds him of the first time he met her, when she dropped her pen when she went to shake his hand and he'd picked it up for her. He wishes the lights were on so he could see if her eyes still looked the same way they had then, shy and amused.

He doubts they do, though, because there's nothing shy or amusing about the way her fingers feel around him, pumping him once, twice, three times slowly before ripping the condom wrapper between her teeth.

He hisses through his teeth when she slides the condom over him and his hands grasp blindly for her shoulders. "What happened to sweet and shy," he asks softly, laughing in the middle of it, because he doesn't mean for it to be an insult, but he's honestly so flabbergasted by this personality change that he can't not ask.

"Well now I know you like me," she says, and then she's pulling him toward her, kissing the skin above his hip, licking and nibbling her way up his side. "I can be myself. I don't have to hide what I want."

He catches himself with his arms, hovering over her and feeling his eyes widen. "It was an act?"

She laughs. "Of course not, Rodney. I just. I don't need to be shy around you. You make me feel comfortable. The way you kissed me was… it was amazing, Rodney."

He feels that like a punch to the gut and he almost pulls away. Her hands are running up his back though, and he's so hard, and he really liked her, he really did, but that wasn't him. That wasn't his kiss. That's not how he would have kissed her if it had been him in control.

He would have stumbled his way through dinner and stuck his foot in his mouth at least once every five minutes, and he would have drank too much wine, and he probably would have insulted her intelligence without meaning to, and he knows he would have insulted her choice in career, because seriously, botany? So not a real science.

And at the end of the date, if she weren't glaring at him, if she wasn't kicking him out f the apartment, he would have smiled and told her he had a good time, and hopefully she would have said she had too. And if she hadn't looked like she wanted to scream bloody murder he probably would have leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. At the most, he might have pressed his lips to hers, but it would have been closed-mouthed and it would have been over in the time it takes to blink.

It wouldn't have been him tipping her back in some gallant Cary Grant move and kissing her breathless right there in front of Carson. He never would have done that in a million years.

The fact that Cadman got him here instead of himself is downright depressing to him, but she leans up and kisses him again before he can pull back and then she's wrapping her legs around him and pulling him down on top of her, and he files that away for later dissection, or perhaps denial.

She reaches down and guides him into her and he still can't reconcile this Katie with the one that blushes when the marines talk to rowdily within her earshot, but he closes his eyes and just soaks in the way she feels wrapped around him, her heels digging into his thighs as he pushes into her and she moans his name.

He leans down to kiss her again, his tongue swirling against hers, because at least this way he can pretend like he's controlling this. He groans when her nails dig into his back and she moans back. "Yes," she says, moany and breathy and right in his ear. "Oh, Rodney… god…"

But he's good like this, he knows he is, he's never had a complaint from someone he actually got this far, because he's patient when he wants to be, and he's intent and focused, and he knows how to move and how to read their body, how to speed up when she wants him to, how to slow down when he knows she doesn't want him to but it will make it better.

He makes her come before he starts letting himself work for his own, and by the time he's reached his orgasm she's coming again, and the way she shudders under him, the way her arms wrap around his neck, the way her teeth bite at his neck and she hiccups a sob of pleasure into his ear, fills him with such a primal sense of ownership that it's too easy to forget that he got here under false pretenses.

Later, though, when he's taking a shower and still wondering who the hell's room he'd just had sex with Katie Brown in, he thinks he should ask Cadman for a few more Grant-esque moves.

Just to keep her interested.

iii. you're almost maybe kindof sortof my equal, intellectually speaking, maybe

The first time he goes back to the lab after he and Cadman have been separated he brings Radek a cup of coffee. Radek looks at him with a raised eyebrow and very much not discreetly sniffs at the dark liquid suspiciously.

Later that day Rodney brings him back an apple from lunch and Radek gapes at him for a full fifteen minutes while Rodney pretends not to notice and taps away at his laptop.

The next day he smiles at him and says good morning and Radek starts cursing in Czech, shaking his head and walking away.

Three days later when Rodney hands him a pen before Radek's barely finished asking to borrow one he sits down across from Rodney and glares at him. "All right. What is it?"

Rodney frowns at him. "What?"

"What is…" Radek gestures with his hand, and he's obviously starting to pick up a few of Rodney's more demonstrable physical gestures. "You are being kind to me."

Rodney frowns at him and then turns back to his laptop. "And you have a problem with this?"


Rodney looks at him. "Listen--"

"I mean to say… No, no I do not have problem with this, but." Radek gestures again, frowning agitatedly, hitting the desk with his hand. "It is not like you. I find it…disturbing. Distracting."

Rodney rolls his eyes. "Me being nice to you is disturbing?"

"Yes," Radek says emphatically, nodding his head. "Rodney! You gave me an apple!"

Rodney rolls his eyes again, waving a hand dismissively. "I've given you an apple before."

"Yes, when you have already eaten your fill and you have an apple left over, but this is not what that was. That was you getting me an apple and bringing it to me. That was you being… thoughtful, and generous."

Rodney grinds his teeth together. "Both traits which are considered good things."

Radek shakes his head. "But it is very unlike you!"

Rodney sighs. "Fine, yes, fine, it's unlike me. I was trying to apologize."

Radek's eyebrows push together in confusion. "Apologize."

"Yes, Radek, apologize," Rodney says, annoyed and embarrassed and concentrating very hard at looking at his computer like he actually remembers what he was doing on it.


Rodney sighs and looks at him, slamming his laptop closed perhaps a bit too hard. "For the way I talked to you when you were trying to help me with Cadman."

Radek just looks even more confused. "What?"

Rodney grits his teeth. "I believe I called you Fumbles McStupid?"

"Yes, but this is normal behavior for you, Rodney," Radek says, waving a hand. "You frequently call me names and cast aspersions on my abilities."

Rodney nods. "Yes, well, now I'm apologizing."

Radek blinks at him. "But… why?"

Rodney sighs and stands up, jamming his laptop underneath his arm and glaring at him. "Because you were trying to help and I was doing nothing but getting in your way. Excuse me if I think I should apologize."

"You did need to apologize," Radek says, turning to watch him make his way to the door. "This has never prompted you to actually apologize before though. Also, you were under incredible stress, and I do not think you can be fully blamed for your actions."

"Yes well," Rodney says, waving a hand and pausing briefly at the doorway. "Sorry anyway."

Later that night there's a knock at Rodney's door and when he opens it Radek is standing on the other side with a smile and two cups. "I believe Colonel Sheppard called it a peace offering?"

Rodney frowns at him and takes the cup from Radek, peering down at it. "Is this…"

"Hot chocolate, yes," Radek says, nodding and stepping forward, his expression serious. "It is I who owes you an apology now."

Rodney looks up at him suspiciously. "What did you do?"

"You apologized, and I was not very receptive," Radek says, holding his cup of hot chocolate tightly between his hands. "You see, I was taken off guard. I should have graciously accepted your apology and instead I suspected you of having ulterior motive."

Rodney steps back and waves impatiently for Radek to step into his room, walking over to his desk and sitting down. "Yes well. You don't owe me an apology, but the hot chocolate is nice."

"It is," Radek says, nodding emphatically. "It reminds me of my childhood actually."

"Ah yes," Rodney says, smiling and gesturing for Radek to sit. "Many nights sitting around the hearth in the bitter cold drinking hot chocolate?"

"Not always hot chocolate," Radek says, sitting and taking a small sip of his drink. "Sometimes just heated water, but. Warm drink nonetheless."

Rodney nods and they fall into a companionable silence. "This is nice," he says finally, smiling softly. "Us. Not, ya know. Fighting."

Radek's smile is wry and almost a little sarcastic. "I do not think of it as fighting. I prefer to think of it as bickering."

Rodney rolls his eyes. "Well yes. Not fighting per say."

"I have actually become quite used to it," Radek says, leaning over and setting his nearly empty mug of hot chocolate on Rodney's desk. "Which is why I was so taken aback by your apology. That is not normally your way."

"And what is normally my way?"

Radek laughs. "To simply not be angry any longer."

"Ah," Rodney says, nodding. "Yes. That is more my style."

"So why now," Radek asks, leaning forward and looking interested. "Why apologize for this?"

Rodney sighs, shrugging, because he really doesn't like having to explain himself. Muchless if it has to do with explaining his feelings. "Because. You were trying to help. I know you'd never willingly let me suffer--"

Radek's eyebrow raises. "Well, I don't know about that." He laughs when Rodney's eyes widen in surprise. "Mild suffering, mind you."

"Anyway," Rodney says with a flick of his wrist. "The point is. I was rude, and I felt the need to apologize." He stands up and pushes his chair in. "Don't worry, it won't happen again."

Radek laughs and stands as well. "Yes, I didn't think it would." He waves his hand a bit and shifts his feet. "I thought it a one time sort of thing. Which is why I apologized for not allowing you to apologize to me. I should take advantage of your temporary bout of conscience."

Rodney nods, stretching his arms above his head and yawning. "Okay… well it's pretty late…"

"I am glad you are well," Radek says, stepping closer and looking at him. "That the effects were temporary and that we were able to help you. Or, rather, you were able to help yourself."

"You would have figured something out," Rodney says, smiling and patting Radek on the shoulder, feeling generous. He blamed it on the fatigue.

Radek's eyebrows raised. "Was that you paying me a compliment?"

"Well, you're not completely incompetent," Rodney grumbled, looking away and letting his hand drop. "Anyway--"

Radek takes a step forward and suddenly he's in Rodney's personal space, the smell of soap and cleanliness filling Rodney's nostrils, because Radek might look like a mess but he actually was always clean. "Rodney."

Rodney looks up to find Radek's expression serious once again, blue eyes sparkling at him in a mixture of uncertainty and something he can't name. Or won't. "Hm?"

When Radek's hand rises to touch his face Rodney frowns but doesn't move away, instead watching Radek's eyes follow his hand as it traced down Rodney's jaw to his ear. "I am feeling the sudden urge to kiss you," he says, frowning and sounding slightly troubled.

"Well…" Rodney's mouth shut as Radek's eyes rose to look into his again. "Um."

"It may be a side affect of your having been kind to me, I think," Radek says, eyes searching Rodney's. "May I?"

Rodney fumbled to understand him, his brain tripping up and his breath quickening. "May you… kiss me?"

"Yes," Radek says, nodding slowly. "I think I would like to kiss you."

"I think." Rodney swallowed and wondered why the hell he wasn't backing away yet. "I um. That's probably a bad idea."

"Oh, it most likely is," Radek says, stepping even closer, mouth inches away from Rodney's. "I think I would still like to."

"Yes, well… um…" Rodney finds his eyes drifting to Radek's mouth, words flying around his head and disappearing before he could catch them. "Well, I won't stop you."

Radek's mouth twists up into a small smile and then he nods, his thumb still tracing Rodney's jaw lightly. He closes the distance and then his mouth is on Rodney's, and Rodney stops breathing altogether. His hands come up and his fingers clench into his skinny bony hips.

He opens his mouth when Radek's tongue flicks against this lips and then it is suddenly no longer a soft and sweet tentative kiss, it's all teeth and tongues and noses smashing and Radek's fingers clawing into his hair and his arm coming around to haul Rodney against him.

"Yes I thought it might be like this," Radek says when he breaks away for air, panting against Rodney's mouth.

"You've thought about this," Rodney asks, unable to stop staring at the way Radek's lips glisten with his spit, the way they're swollen and just a little pinker than they normally are.

"Briefly, yes," Radek says, nodding quickly, and then his mouth is back on Rodney's and Rodney's groaning into the kiss, shivering as Radek's hand drifts lightly down his back.

Rodney's skin burns where Radek touches him, tugging and pulling on his shirt, and he's lifting his arms before he even realized that Radek is undressing him, frowning at him as soon as his head is free. "What are you doing?"

"I think it is fairly obvious, Rodney," Radek says, his hands splaying over Rodney's newly naked skin. His thumb brushes over Rodney's nipple and his mouth curves into a smile when it instantly becomes erect. "I believe I am seducing you."

Rodney would have protested that, because hey, doesn't being the one being seduced make him the woman in this equation? He would have but Radek's mouth was on his again and all he got out was a muffled 'hey' before he was being walked backwards toward the bed, and well, sex is sex right?

Who's he to complain about who is the seducer and who is the seducee?

All feedback much appreciated!
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