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[ big fat juicy hotdog ]
by kHo

Dean sighed for the fifth time and Sam finally gave in.  “What?!’

Dean turned his head to look at him.  “Huh?’

Sam rolled his eyes, punching his fists into the comforter that Dean had somehow managed to filch from the last hotel room they´d stayed in and cursed the hardwood floors that were supposedly a ‘wonderful selling point.´  Yeah, well, sure, if you´re not sleeping on them next to your brother who won´t quit fidgeting and braying like a god damned donkey.  “You´ve sighed, like, fifty million times in the past-- however long it´s been since we laid down-- and it´s really starting to annoy me.’

Dean´s head hit the floor with a loud thunk and he folded his hands on his stomach, bunching up the covers by his side and effectively forcing Sam to hold onto his half.  Sam just knew he was gonna wake up to cold hardwood floors and no covers.  He just knew it.  “It´s nothing.  Go to sleep.’

“I´m trying to, asshole,’ Sam grunted, turning on his side away from Dean and propping his head up on his folded arm.  “So be quiet.’

Dean sighed again and Sam had an aneurysm.  Or, maybe he just felt like he did.  “It´s just…’

“What, Dean, what,’ Sam groused, turning back with a jerk and leaning up to glare down at his brother.  His older brother, who was supposed to be the responsible one here, but yeah, that´s never been true.  “It´s just what?’

Dean blinked up at him and for one second Sam almost laughed.  Cute little nose wrinkled up, eyes all innocent like a five year old´s.  Then he felt his neck already starting to stiffen from the hour he´d been on the floor and any inkling of amusement disappeared.  “Do I look gay to you?’

Sam´s mouth worked over about five completely flabbergasted sentences before he finally was able to speak.  “What?’

Dean leaned up on his elbows.  “Seriously, man.  Do I look gay to you?’

Sam flopped back down on the floor and immediately regretted it.  Because-- do we need to mention the hardwood floors again?  Because they´re hard.  “You have got to be kidding me.’

Dean´s frown deepened, lips poking out in a petulant little pout.  “Do I though?’

“No,’ Sam said firmly, shutting his eyes, hoping uselessly that if he looked asleep, maybe he´d be asleep.  “Now shut up and go.. to.. sleep.’

“Two times, Sammy,’ Dean said as he lowered himself back to a lying down position next to Sam.  “Two times they assumed we were a gay couple.’  Sam gritted his teeth as he felt Dean´s fingers poke at his shoulder.  “Twice!’

Sam squeezed his eyes shut tighter and fisted the covers.  “Yes, Dean, two times.  Means twice.  Means once and then again.  YES!’

“So, obviously, I mean… Obviously.  I look gay.  Something about me looks gay.’

Sam gave up the pretense.  He just gave it up.  Opened his eyes and turned to look at Dean.  “This is bothering you.’

Dean looked at him and blinked.  “Duh.’

“Well,’ Sam said, letting his eyes roam Dean´s face for a moment before continuing.  “You do do that thing with your lips.’

Dean´s eyes widened.  “What?!’

Sam grinned, because this was deliciously evil fun.  And if he couldn´t sleep, at least he could annoy Dean back.  “That thing.  With your lips.  You kind of… pout.’

Dean sat up again, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.  “I do what with my lips?’

Sam´s grin grew.  “You pout.  It pokes out.  It looks like you´re getting ready to wrap your lips around a big fat juicy--’


“Hot dog,’ Sam said, stifling the giggle welling up in his chest.  “What did you think I was gonna say?’

Dean just glared at him.  “Pervert.’

Sam shrugged his shoulders.   “Hey.  You asked.’

“And what are you doing studying my lips anyway,’ Dean asked, raising a dubious eyebrow at him.  

“I can´t help but notice,’ Sam said, rolling his eyes.  “It´s fairly obvious.’

“Well what about you,’ Dean said, gesturing to him.  “With your big wide innocent eyes, all come-fuck-me-here and shit.’

Sam´s laugh echoed off of at least three of the four walls.  “My what?!’

“I can´t help but notice,’ Dean mocked.  “It´s fairly obvious.’

Sam rolled his eyes.  “Please.’

“Dude they´re all puppy dog cute, and you know they´re your best feature.’

Sam laughed again.  “So that makes me gay?!’

“So my lips make me gay?!’  Dean glared at him.  “I don´t do it on purpose, my lips just… do that.’

“And my eyes just do that,’ Sam said, starting to feel annoyed again and not really knowing why.  “Anyway, when did you become such a homophobe?’

“I´m not,’ Dean said, and it sounded suspiciously like a whine.

Sam rolled his eyes.  “Then why are you over there all offended because two people thought we were a gay couple?  Ya know, I was part of that couple, and you don´t see me being offended.’

Dean rolled his eyes and waved his hand.  “Yeah, but that´s cause you´re half gay anyway.’

Sam barked out a laugh.  “I´m what?’

“You know, you´re that…’  Dean waved his hand again and frowned.  Sam wondered if he knew that he was doing that lip-pout thing right now and wondered even more if he should point it out.  “Metro-hetero whatever thing.’

Sam rolled his eyes.  “Metrosexual?’

“Yeah,’ Dean said, pointing at him and grinning.  “See?  You knew the word!  You really are half gay!’

“One,’ Sam said, propping his head up on his arm and fidgeting until he found a comfortable spot.  “Being metrosexual doesn´t mean you´re gay, or half gay, it just means you like to take care of yourself.’  

Dean snorted.  “Whatever.  It means you like to spend a half hour looking at yourself in the mirror every morning while you ‘put your face on´.’

“And two,’ Sam continued, resisting the urge to point out the fact that Dean himself, in fact, liked to stare at himself in the mirror on more than one occasion.  “I´m not metrosexual.’

“Anyway, I´m not a homophobe,’ Dean said, nodding into the darkness.  “I´m just saying, if I look gay then why don´t more dudes hit on me?’

Sam stared at him.  “Oh my God.’

Dean looked at him.  “What?’

Sam raised his eyebrows.  “Did you just complain that dudes don´t hit on you enough?’

Dean frowned and rolled his eyes.  “Well why wouldn´t they?  I´m a good looking guy, Sammy.’

Sam found himself sighing this time and shook his head.  “You are just the most annoying person on Earth, you know that?’

Dean looked at him.  “I´m just saying, if I look gay, then more dudes should hit on me, cause I´m a catch.’ He spread his hands out and grinned at him.  “That´s all I´m saying.’

“Goodnight, Dean,’ Sam grunted, closing his eyes.

“Just admit it.  If you weren´t my brother, you would so want my lips,  pouting or not, wrapped around your big fat juicy--’

Sam´s eyes flew open.  “Dean!’

Dean grinned down at him, eyebrows raised to an impossible height.  “Hot dog.’

Sam fell asleep ten minutes later to the sound of Dean still laughing.

Note: This fic has been translated into Russian! Yeah! It has! By geroneja. The Russian translation can be found here!