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[ an autonomic response ]
by kHo

It was all so cliché really. The fight or fuck reflex that happened in every movie under the sun, even though it rarely if ever happens that way. Lorne had gotten into his fair share of fights with people before and he´d never actually backed someone into the corner, shouting at them one moment and swallowing their answering response with a kiss the next. Until, that is, now.

The situation was thus: McKay being his normal sarcastic, condescending, conceited self, and Lorne just really having had enough of it. And it wasn´t that he even disliked the guy anymore, because he´d pretty well learned to first tolerate, and then eventually actually even appreciate him. Because McKay was a good guy, despite his ego, and in all honesty he could walk his talk so maybe the ego was deserved. Plus, once you got immune to his insults, the guy could be pretty damn funny.

But the thing was that Lorne was just having a shitty day, and he was stuck doing a shitty job because Sheppard was punishing him for laughing at him when he´d walked in on Sheppard whining at the paperwork he had yet to do. Literally. Actually whining at it. Lorne had said “you don´t actually think you´re going to whine long enough for it to do itself, do you?’ and Sheppard had said “that´s it, you are so doing latrine duty with McKay.’

And true, latrine duty wasn´t actually latrine duty, there was no feces involved at all, but it might as well have been. The sections of the city they were investigating today had been immerged in water for the better part of four years and were damp and stank like dead fish and in some spots the floor was squishy enough (and yes, that is the technical term, McKay, God damned squishy) that Lorne´s boots were going to be waterlogged for days from having sunk into them like they were quicksand.

And he´d had it, just absolutely positively had it, with McKay´s constant bitching and moaning and mocking. It´s not like he was happy with the condition this section was in either, and he was awful sorry that McKay´s possibly precious tech was getting ruined from the humidity in the air, but there wasn´t a damn thing he could do about it. He had a headache, his feet were soaked, and McKay´s constant complaining was making his trigger-finger twitch.

So when McKay started yelling at him for accidentally (yes accidentally, like he wanted to give McKay an excuse to complain more?) knocking over and possibly (definitely) breaking some heretofore unknown and unidentified Ancient tech, Lorne snapped.

McKay blinked at him. “Excuse me?’

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up,’ Lorne repeated, gritting his teeth together and clenching his hands by his side. “Just shut up. I´m sorry I broke it, I´m sorry it´s damp and smells like a fish market down here, I´m sorry I´m not fucking smart enough for you--’

“Oh for God´s sake--’

“No, what don´t you understand,’ Lorne growled, turning on McKay and backing him up into the wall behind him, “about the phrase shut the fuck up? It means shut your mouth and stop fucking talking!’

And that´s when it happens, McKay opens his mouth to deliver some undoubtedly scathing remark and Lorne lunges forward, gun dropping to the floor with a loud metallic clatter, and grabbing McKay´s hips and kissing him. Leaning against him and opening his mouth even as McKay´s throat is still working on some unformed word.

“Shut up,’ he whispers against his lips, feeling more than just a little bit insane from all the anger and frustration and now the feel of McKay´s breath on his lips. “Shut up, shut up, shut up.’

And McKay does. Or, rather, doesn´t, but in the best possible way.

Lorne´s a careful guy, normally, or at least he used to be. He was very much of a straight arrow, company man, Air Force guy. Stand up straight when a superior walks into the room, order your men with a strong yet fair tone, a nice crisp salute for hello´s and goodbye´s, and never, ever, defy a commanding officer.

And then, he met the Pegasus Galaxy, where his commanding officer was the kind of guy that sat with his feet up on the desk, more interested in talking about football than inventory or running drills. “It´s not that it´s not important, it´s that I know you´ll take care of it, and anyway, did you see that run Faulk had? People just don´t run like that!’

The Pegasus Galaxy where creatures from Buffy the Vampire Slayer actually existed and wanted to suck your life out of your chest. (Uh. Not that Lorne watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Religiously. For seven years.)

A galaxy where his commanding officer turned blue and started growing scales.

So maybe he´d relaxed a little bit too much, maybe he´d lost a little bit of his formality and professionalism, because he´s pretty damn sure that kissing McKay breathless and pressing his knee between McKay´s legs until McKay lets out a shuddering moan isn´t something that´s covered in great detail in the How to Be A Good Soldier manual.

Plus he´s pretty sure Sheppard, if and/or when he gets wind of this, will cut him. With a knife. That´s rusty. Twice.

Which is why he pulls back, breathing hard and stiff as a board in his BDU´s, and holds McKay at arms length. “Sorry,’ he rasps out, taking a few steps back. “Shouldn´t have done that.’

McKay blinks up at him, leaning against the wall still and looking thoroughly bewildered and bedraggled. Lorne has to invoke every survival instinct he has to not surge forward and kiss him again, because God help him he can´t even remember why he was mad any more because all he can think about is what McKay´s lips felt like under his and the fact that he hadn´t gotten laid in a really, really, pathetically long time.

“Well, obviously,’ McKay says, having finally caught his breath. “But in for a penny in for a pound,’ he says, walking forward until he was right in front of Lorne, challenging him, tempting him with his lips pouting out and nostrils flaring and a hand on Lorne´s hip that sent an electric current straight to his dick.

“McKay,’ Lorne says, and hates himself for the way his voice shakes and the way he can´t help but stare at the glisten of spit he´d left on McKay´s bottom lip.

“Look, I´m hard, you´re hard,’ McKay says, and then his hand is covering Lorne´s cock and it twitches at the touch, Lorne letting out a hiss and closing his eyes against the wave of lust that says musthavehardfastherenownownow. “And you already put the key in and opened the god damned door, so why turn tail and run now?’

Lorne finds himself backed into the opposite wall before he even knew he was moving, McKay´s hand rhythmically squeezing him through his pants and he clenches his hands by his side to keep from reaching over and ripping McKay´s pants off of him right then and there. “Bad idea. Regulations. Sheppard will kill me.’

“We already covered the bad idea part, fuck your regulations, and Sheppard a) won´t give a shit, I have it on good authority that he´s a pretty tolerating guy, and b) doesn´t have to know,’ McKay says, and his voice is low and authoritative, and somehow bossy on McKay has gone from annoying to downright sexy as hell, and Lorne thinks he lost his mind about three years ago when he signed up for this place voluntarily.

Lorne´s blood pressure and heart rate have pretty much blown past the skyrocketing point and reached the meltdown zone and he finds it impossible to not move his hips into the gentle massaging of McKay´s hand and knows, even as he´s still protesting, that he´s going to give in.

“We can´t,’ he says, but it´s less than convincing considering it comes out as a gasp followed by a grunt as McKay flattens his hand against Lorne´s cock and presses in hard enough for Lorne to see stars. “We have to report back in five minutes.’

McKay raises an eyebrow and taps his intercom. “Sheppard.’

“Yeah,’ Sheppard´s voice comes back, and Lorne knows it´s through the ear piece, knows that Sheppard is a twenty minute hike away from where they are, but it still makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up on end like Sheppard´s right behind him. “Find anything interesting?’

McKay grins wickedly and then twists his hand, making Lorne bite back a groan and reach forward to grab onto McKay´s arms to keep from sliding down the wall. “Think so,’ McKay says, grinning even wider. “Need a bit more time to see if it pans out.’


Lorne´s panting at this point, mind spinning about a million miles a second. “Mm?’ he manages to grunt out.

“You good?’

“Uh huh,’ Lorne says, watching transfixed as McKay starts unzipping Lorne´s pants even as Sheppard continues to talk.

“I know you must be bored down there. I think McKay still has that Sudoku book in his bag, you know he´s gonna geek out for at least an hour if he´s actually found something. Need something to pass your time or else you´ll want to kill yourself from sheer boredom. Well. Yourself or him, either one.’

McKay reaches into Lorne´s pants and wraps those long nimble fingers around his now achingly hard cock and Lorne barely bites back the curse word in the back of his throat. “I´m good sir,’ he finally spits out. “Think I´ll manage.’

“Okay, wasting time now, wasting time, goodbye Colonel,’ Rodney says, reaching up and turning off his intercom, taking it off and reaching over to take Lorne´s as well, throwing them both across the room. “Now where were we?’

“What the fuck, McKay,’ Lorne says, that anger coming back to him as he reaches down and extracts McKay´s hand from his pants. “Doing that while I am on with my commanding officer, are you trying to get me court marshaled?’

McKay rolls his eyes. “You started it!’

Lorne glares at him. “And now you´re five?’

McKay frowns. “Well you did.’

Lorne charges forward grabbing McKay´s shoulders and slamming him up against the wall. “You´re the most insufferable man I´ve ever had the misfortune to meet.’

Rodney snorts. “I´m okay with that.’

Apparently Lorne is too because he´s kissing him again, hands skating down McKay´s chest which is actually pretty damn solid and that shouldn´t be a surprise considering how much field work the guy does but is, and it´s just that much more of a turn on.

“This didn´t happen,’ he mutters against McKay´s lips as he shoves McKay´s shirt up to get his hands on a stomach that might actually be close to having definition.

“Okay,’ McKay says, head tilting back against the wall to present Lorne with an expanse of tender white flesh that he has to lick and bite and bury his face in. “Didn´t happen.’

“And it´s not going to happen again,’ Lorne says against McKay´s ear, scraping his teeth up the side of his neck as he reaches down to press the heel of his hand against McKay´s cock, which is just as, if not more so, hard as his own.

McKay´s chest vibrates as he laughs and Lorne finds himself grinning along with him. “Well if it didn´t happen in the first place it can´t happen again, logically speaking, now can it?’

“Shut up, McKay,’ Lorne growls, unzipping McKay´s pants and shoving them down his thighs and wrapping his hand around McKay´s cock because McKay´s not wearing underwear, he´s not wearing boxers, he´s not wearing anything at all, and if Lorne weren´t already so far gone he could barely see this would have put him there.

“Oh, fuck,’ McKay says, which isn´t exactly shutting up, but Lorne´s okay with that too.

The next thing he knows Lorne´s on his knees on the ground, his mouth wrapped around McKay´s cock, because it´s been too long since he´s sucked cock and he´s missed the weight of it in his mouth, missed the taste and the texture and the way he can look up at his partner without them knowing it to see how blissed out and gone they are, McKay´s hands in his hair, not pushing but not pulling, just there, resting, saying don´t stop, don´t go away, keep doing this.

He reaches around and grabs McKay´s ass, those plump cheeks he´s tried not to admire far too many times to actually convince himself that he doesn´t, pulling McKay´s hips forward and taking him in deeper and deeper until he can´t even breath anymore because that´s the best part, and because it makes McKay choke on his words and splutter and jerk his hips spasmodically.

When he slips a finger in the crease of McKay´s ass its game over, no turning back, because McKay´s reaction is to grip Lorne´s hair tight and shove his cock down Lorne´s throat so hard it burns and Lorne has to pull back and grab his own cock to calm himself down.

He looks up at McKay and grins at the slack jaw and the wild eyes and the way McKay can hardly stand up without holding onto Lorne´s head. “You want me to fuck you now, or after you come?’

“Now, now,’ McKay rambles, reaching down and grabbing Lorne´s shoulders, hauling him up and staring not at his eyes but at his lips. “Now.’

Hell yes, Lorne thinks, and kisses McKay again, all tongue and teeth and sucking the air out of McKay´s lungs, and then he´s turning McKay face-first against the wall and reaching down and rubbing his palm over McKay´s ass, watching with fascination as he trails his fingers over the crease and then into it, teasingly floating over the hole and grinning as McKay pushes back against him, so open and wanton and desperate.

Lorne loves it when they´re desperate.

He bites the place where McKay´s shoulder meets his neck when he slides a finger gently inside, because there isn´t any lube and sometimes spit-slicked fingers isn´t enough to make up for it. McKay doesn´t complain though, just gasps and slams a hand against the wall and leans back into it, and Lorne wonders briefly if Katie Brown never put out for McKay or if no amount of sweet sappy romantic sex really compares to dirty fuck-me-up-against-the-wall sex.

When he slides into him he wraps his arm around McKay´s chest and doesn´t have to struggle to find the right fit, it´s just there, perfect, like they were supposed to be doing this, and McKay is just right, the right pressure the right heat the right angle, the right everything, and their rhythm is established without even trying, hard and rough and bone-meltingly good in a matter of seconds.

McKay doesn´t know how to shut up, not even like this, especially not like this, hissing and cursing and moaning and groaning and ‘oh god´ and ‘yes´ and ‘right there´ and ‘fuck, harder, do it harder´ and ‘oh my god I´m fucking a marine in the basement of Atlantis,´ the latter of which Lorne has to correct, tilting Rodney´s head back with a hand under his chin, whispering in his ear that he´s not a marine, he´s in the god damned Air Force, and then punishing him by biting McKay´s ear hard enough to make the other man curse and buck wildly underneath him.

And when the orgasm comes, when it starts to build, when Lorne´s toes start to curl in his shoes and his hips start jerking, he reaches around and grabs McKay´s cock, tugging on it savagely, growling in McKay´s ear to come, do it, come, and then they are, and it feels like hours, hours and hours, and seconds, too long, too short, never going to end, too quick, not enough, too much, just right.

When its over he slumps against McKay and doesn´t pull out because that would take too much energy, his arms wrapped around McKay´s chest and propped against the wall so McKay doesn´t have to take all of his weight, and breathes against McKay´s shoulder blades.

“Oh my God,’ McKay says finally, still breathing heavily, voice overly loud in the silence of post-orgasmic bliss.

“Yeah,’ Lorne says, grinning into his back.

“I haven´t come that hard in years.’

Lorne laughs. “Ditto.’

McKay pants a few more times and then starts fidgeting and Lorne finally takes the hint and pulls out, placing a gentle kiss to McKay´s shoulder as he does.

“I probably shouldn´t have thrown our intercoms on the other side of the room,’ McKay says, turning and hiking up his pants, not meeting Lorne´s eyes. “We´ll never find them.’

“Sure we will,’ Lorne says, not bothering to pull up his pants just yet, leaning against the wall and stretching languidly. He´d almost forgotten how good it felt after really great impromptu sex. When he opens his eyes he sees McKay staring down at him, his abs, his hips, his cock. His cock likes the attention and so does Lorne, so he reaches down and strokes it slowly just to watch McKay´s eyes widen. “That´s what flashlights are for.’

“Huh?’ McKay blinks again and then finally looks up at Lorne´s face. “Oh. Yes. Of course.’

Lorne eventually pulls his pants back up and buttons them, zips them slowly because he´s tender and sensitive still, and joins McKay in the search for the missing intercoms. When he bends down by McKay and leans against him to retrieve the one by McKay´s knee, McKay stiffens and sucks in a breath. Lorne grins.

“So,’ McKay says, straightening quickly. “So it´s a one time thing. Just something that happened.’

“Or didn´t,’ Lorne says, picking back up his gun and slinging the strap over his shoulder. “Remember?’

“Right,’ McKay says, nodding curtly, clearing his throat. “I suppose I should at least take a look around and see if there isn´t really something down here.’

Lorne watches McKay´s ass as he squats down and peers at some sort of Ancient something-or-other on the floor. “I feel as though I should warn you,’ he says, biting back a smirk.

McKay looks over at him over his shoulder. “Warn me?’

He´s standing too close to McKay when he stands up, McKay´s ass brushing against his inner thighs as he straightens. He reaches out to hold McKay´s hips steady so he doesn´t fall and leans forward to speak softly in McKay´s ear. “If you piss me off again I can´t guarantee what didn´t happen down here today won´t happen again.’

McKay shudders just slightly under his hands and steps away, clearing his throat again. “Good thing I´m not known for being the type of person that pisses people off then, right?’

Lorne grins at him until McKay grins back. “Right. Good thing.’

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