Main fanfic page

Fandoms: SGA/Iron Man, MIT-verse
Title: Don't Need No Stinkin' Security Clearance
Rated: R, language
Characters: Tony, Rodney, John
Notes: A story told entirely in emails. this is totally self-indulgent, and I swear to God? Canon. I swear it is. Tony and Rodney totally were the boy prodigies at MIT or wherever the hell, and they totally use to do it like rabbits. I'm just sayin'. It's possible, if there were interest, that I could easily be swayed to write flashback fic as well as future fic in this 'verse.


[ Don't Need No Stinkin' Security Clearance ]
by kHo

To: rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
From: ferrumvir@inurcomputerstalkinurgalaxy.com
Subject: Ha.

Thought I couldnít find you huh? Really should check on these things, McKay.

We need to talk.


To: tstark@starkindustries.com
From: rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
Subject: Re: Ha

Not so much thought you couldnít find me as havenít thought of you at all.

About?

RM


To: rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
From: ferrumvir@itscalledstealthmckay.com
Subject: shhhh

I know Iím not the pinnacle of keeping it under oneís hat, per say, but really, to my work email? Bravo for you knowing it was me, but that was a foregone conclusion (not because youíre that smart, but because I wasnít hiding it that well). If you want these interchanges kept top secret and unhackable, youíll just hit the reply button.

See me and find out.

TS


To: ferrumvir@shutthefuckup.com
From: rmckay@smarterthanyou.com
Subject: I can do it too

Donít really care if theyíre kept top secret. Not planning on multiple interchanges with you.

RM


To: rmckay@inyourdreams.com
From: ferrumvir@epluribusunimmyass.com
Subject: weíll play it your way

As you know, I amÖ what are they calling me? Sexy Beast? No, that wasnít it. Fury of the Skies? No. The Second Coming of Christ? No no no. Ah yes. Iron Man.

And hereís what I want. I want your little shipís cloaking technology and as loathe as I am to admit it, JARVIS is great but he canít seem to track the way your mind works and alas, I am forced to admit that I may require your help integrating it into the suit.

See to it, will you? America canít wait for your sorry ass to decide whether or not you forgive me for surpassing you.

TS


To: ferrumvir@flashoversubstanceanyday.com
From: rmckay@theopposite.com
Subject: Surpassing me? Ha!

I was YOUR tutor, remember? Mr. Flunking Thermodynamics. I hear your suit froze the first time you took it up in orbitÖ hmmmm. Wonder if thermodynamics had any play in that?

And the flaming red suit? Really? Could you be more intolerable?

As for cloaking? No. Just no.

RM


To: rmckay@youknowyoumissedme.com
From: ferrumvir@tiredofmakingupnames.com
Subject: Please.

I was not flunking, I was simply uninterested. And you didnít tutor me so much as berate me until I paid enough attention to pass the class to get you to shut up.

And fine. You wanna play dirty? Youíre gonna regret that.

TS


To: jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov
From: tstark@starkindustries.com
Subject: Greetings from Planet Tony

Hello Lt. Col. Sheppard. You donít know me but Iím certain you know of me. Has Rodney told you of our exploits in the younger years of our lives at school? He tutored me in thermodynamics, I tutored him in the ways of self-pleasure (drinking, drugs, rock n roll, & women). Well. Attempted to. He never did listen very well. Heís always been very uptight.

You must be asking yourself why I am emailing you. Being that youíre Air Force I thought I would bank on the fact that since 1. I wear a suit in which I have allowed myself to take flight, shoot at and eliminate the enemy, and come home in time for a nightcap and any choice of woman I want, that 2. you, as a fellow ardent fan of comic books, would find that cool, 3. as a member of the armed forces that likes flying things that break the sound barrier, would find that, again, cool and 4. that were I to offer you an opportunity to take flight in said suit yourself, at any future date of your choosing, you might be amenable to helping me recruit your dear Dr. McKayís not inconsiderable brain to help me better serve and protect our common home: Not just America, but Earth herself.

Sound good? Excellent.

Sincerely,
Tony Stark


To: rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
From: jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov
Subject: FW: ????!!!!

RODNEY IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS?

GIVE HIM WHATEVER HE WANTS!!!

Also, umÖ how does he know about us, our emails, our friendship, my comic book thing, and what does he want you to do?

JS

>>To: jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov
>>From: tstark@starkindustries.com
>>Subject: Greetings from Planet Tony
>>
>>Hello Lt. Col. Sheppard. You donít know me but Iím certain
>>you know of me. Has Rodney told you of our exploits in the
>>younger years of our lives at school? He tutored me in
>>thermodynamics, I tutored him in the ways of self-pleasure
>>(drinking, drugs, rock n roll, & women). Well. Attempted to.
>>He never did listen very well. Heís always been very uptight.
>>
(message truncated, click to view rest of text)


To: jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov
From: rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
Subject: Re: FW: ???!!! <- seriously?

Oh my god, youíre drooling so loudly I can HEAR YOU.

And the answer to how does he know: Heís Tony Stark. Thatís the answer to most questions about him. Such as; why is he so insufferable, why is his iq possibly even higher than mine and yet he only has a masters degree in engineering, why do women have spontaneous orgasms at the mere sight of him (yes, even BEFORE he was Iron Man), how can he have done every drug known to man kind and still retain the ability to speak much less think? Heís Tony fucking Stark. Learn to accept that.

He wants to integrate the jumpersí cloaking tech into his suit. The thing is, Iím positive the American Military will decidedly NOT sanction that. Being that I work with/for/around them, Iím not really relishing in the idea of giving them that obvious of a ďfuck you.Ē

RM


To:rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
From: jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov
Subject: Re: FW: ???!!! <- seriously?

No, the military wonít, because he could turn around and use it against our own defenses. Itís not a question of whether or not the military would want him to have it though is it? Itís a question of do you trust him to not fuck us with it? Because both you and him are smart enough to do it without it coming back to you, and he doesnít give a shit what they like if heís really like what he comes across in the interviews.

Also, McKay? I really, really, really want to take that suit up!

JS


To: jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov
From: rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
Subject: Re: FW: ???!!! <- seriously?

His patriotism is about the only honest thing about Tony Stark. And heíll probably do it anyway, so I might as well make sure he does it right the first time.

Like that was even a question, Sheppard.

RM


To: headasshole@assholesunited.org; fanboy@geeksinhiding.com
From: rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
Subject: Fine.

Fine, to the both of you. Fine.

That was low, Stark, even for you.

RM


To: rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
From: jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov
Subject: ha

Hey thatís really cool how you change the email addresses like that but they still come to us. You should teach me that so I can email teyla @ bantosbabe@chixwithstix.com.

Am I headasshole or fanboy?

JS


To: jsheppard@sg.atlantis.gov
From: rmckay@sg.atlantis.gov
Subject: Re: ha

Go ahead, I set it up so that would direct to her. (Though I doubt sheíll notice).

And while you may be an asshole, Tony surpasses you as one by about a million, so no, youíre not Head Asshole.

RM


To: rmckay@withoutyouimnothing.com
From: ferrumvir@theworldismine.com
Subject: looking forward to your visit

I expected it to work but not this quickly. I suspected he would hound you and annoy you until you caved, but I didnít realized what I was really dealing with.

Iím curious, McKay. Tell me, does Sheppard know youíre in love with him? And what of your pretty doctor lady, does she? Messy messy messy, McKay. It figures that now, 20 years after the fact, youíre playing loose and dirty, just like I taught you to.

TS


To: ferrumvir@stopemailingme.com
From: rmckay@sciencegod.com
Subject: Re: looking forward to your visit

No. Just no. And shut up.

RM


To: rmckay@sciencegod.com
From: ferrumvir@theworldismine.com
Subject: Re: looking forward to your visit.

I think weíve redirected the email addresses enough that in forty years theyíll still never be able to track us. Letís just keep these email addresses.

Sorry, Rodney. You always did have terrible luck. Keller is a looker though, so donít be too down. (By the way, nice job taking that hack Tunney down, if you hadnít I would have had to).

And if itís the company of men youíre looking for, well. I am not adverse to picking back up where we left off. Itís nice to relive the mistakes of our youth sometimes.

TS


To: ferrumvir@theworldismine.com
From: rmckay@sciencegod.com
Subject: Re: looking forward to your visit

Oh god, shut up, shut up, shut up.

And no.

RM


To: rmckay@sciencegod.com
From: ferrumvir@theworldismine.com
Subject: Re: looking forward to your visit.

Anytime, old friend.

Bring Sheppard when you come. And then, perhaps, Iíll figure out a way for you to make HIM come. (Though, my suit may be enough).

TS


To: ferrumvir@theworldismine.com
From: rmckay@sciencegod.com
Subject: Re: looking forward to your visit

Oh my god!

Shut! Up!

RM


To: rmckay@sciencegod.com
From: ferrumvir@theworldismine.com
Subject: Re: looking forward to your visit.

Iíve missed you too, McKay. *kisses*

TS


Additional notes: I am not a scientist, a physicist, nor an engineer, I have no idea if Thermodynamics is or isn't why Tony's suit froze in the air, I only know that from what I read it seems to fit? And that my Dad said maybe. I looked in the movie to see if it spelled it out what it was, but I missed it or it didn't. If it's incorrect, please excuse me for sacrificing accuracy for the funny. If it IS correct, then yay me! LOL.



All feedback much appreciated!
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