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So I've been forcing one of my friends to watch SGA with me, and she's in denial that she's totally in love with it, despite the fact that she's downloaded um... like all of season 1. I know because i've watched half of them with her. Just doing my part to spread the love. So anyway, we were babbling about McKay/Shep, and we both loved The Defiant One, so I decided to give her a drive-by porning. Except, it kept trying to turn into something with plot and emotions. So. Whatever. Still. Here it be.
Dedicated to: *ahem* "Selicia"
[ a long day ]
Rodney's driving, cause John said he could, and cause John's got a bullet in his arm so he's not really relishing in the idea of driving the fifteen hours back to Atlantis. So he lets Rodney drive, despite the fact that Rodney keeps looking at him and asking him if he's okay and TAKING HIS HANDS OFF THE CONTROLS and John has to keep fussing at him, except he's too tired and relieved and still reeling from the fact that Rodney-- *Rodney*-- came to his rescue, so he can't be mad about anything, so really it's just this half-assed "Rodney, hands," and Rodney looks confused and then looks at his hands and goes "Oh! Oh, oh, yes, yes, right, sorry" ..
And John tries to hold in the laugh, because he knows it's gonna be a little hysterical cause he's so damned *tired* and bone-deep exhausted and he lost *two men* today. Except they were Rodney's men, and he hadn't even known them, but Rodney had, so he finds himself not laughing anyway because he's looking at Rodney and wondering if he should be asking Rodney if he's okay.
Because he'd watched Gaul shoot himself *in the head*, but he knows *he* wouldn't want to talk about it, so he's not gonna make *Rodney* talk about it, so he just sort of slips into this trance watching Rodney watch the nothingness of the sky in front of them, his eyes tracing the line of his neck to where the collar's bent under, and there's dirt and sweat and maybe a little blood, and God, Rodney came *after* him.
He's always known that Rodney was so much more than he thought himself to be, but this was the same guy that freaked out when he got a paper cut, this was the same guy that used to hide behind the nearest large surface when the guns started going off, and he'd come out of his relatively safe position with gun drawn and started firing before John had even known he was there.
John thinks he shouldn't be surprised because he's always thought that when it came down to it, Rodney was a do-er, but he is. He is surprised, because he's Rodney, and he's not sitting there talking himself up, he's not preening, he's not fishing for compliments by giving them to himself, he's just *sitting* there, flying in the shittiest straight line known to man, and saying nothing.
And John has a million things going through his head, a million things he wants to say, to ask. Like are you okay, and I'm sorry about Gaul. Like I can't believe you came out there for me, I can't believe you stood there and kept firing when that thing was coming at you just because I told you to, I can't believe you didn't get the fuck out of there and save yourself. Except he doesn't want to say that, because it sounds callous and like he doesn't have any faith in Rodney.
He *does* have faith in Rodney, but Jesus, John's seen a lot of combat and a lot of fucked up shit, and the Wraith scared *him* so for Rodney to face him down like that, that really said something. And he wants to tell Rodney *that*, but he doesn't know how to do that without Rodney taking it the wrong way, without Rodney thinking he's calling him a pussy when really John's trying to say it was maybe the bravest thing he'd ever seen.
And he wants to say thank you, but he doesn't think that's enough. He doesn't think two measly little words are enough, not *nearly* enough, to convey what he's feeling right now for what Rodney did. For him. What Rodney Did For Him. And that's maybe the biggest part of it, because he's only known this guy for a few months now, and Rodney just risked his *life* for him, and John's really tried to keep everyone at this safe distance since he lost Mitch and Dex to the desert in Afghanistan.
And maybe this is why today is hitting him so hard, maybe this is why he can't wrap his mind around everything, because for a couple of hours there he was right back there, right back in Afghanistan with the wind and the dirt blowing in his eyes and the vast nothingness of a land gone to hell and he'd lost the last two people that meant *anything* to him back there.
And today made him realize that someone had snuck in, someone had snuck in under the wire without him knowing and become someone he genuinely cared for, and he hadn't even realized that until he'd seen that ugly fucking *beast* heading right for him, right for Rodney who'd come out there to *save his life.*
And he'd gotten up and charged the fucker with this flash of brilliance that he thinks maybe Rodney's responsible for because who besides Rodney would think to put fucking *chocolate* down a Wraith's belt. And it's really kind of astounding to him that he's been hanging around with Rodney long enough to absorb a little bit of his random brilliance through osmosis, because sometimes he catches himself thinking 'what would Rodney do?' and then *knowing*, and knowing it will work, and doing it, and it *working.*
And he's so caught up in this whirlwind of everything else that he doesn't even realize Rodney's looking at him until a hand lands on his knee and he blinks and there's Rodney's eyes catching his, those blue orbs that don't belong on a cranky brilliant scientist but on a sweet little five year old who won't stop asking why the sky is blue, and everything he wants to say just disappears.
Rodney's mouth is this crooked line turned down in a frown and Rodney doesn't even need to say *anything* because John can read it in his face, because Rodney can't hide anything, but he also can't shut up, so he says "Major?" and John says "Huh?" and Rodney says "You all right? You kind of... I mean, you're kind of not here."
And John grins, because he kind of *is* here, and it's all because of Rodney, so he says that and Rodney's eyes go all wide like he's just now realizing that maybe he *did* save John's life out there, and in pure Rodney fashion, the one time Rodney *does* deserve all the accolades is the one time he can't accept them.
"Oh, you would have done the same thing, Major," Rodney says, hand flipping through the air like he can push it away, make it disappear into the ether like it never happened. "I just, ya know... you were out there, and he was out there, and Gaul was... But then he... And."
Rodney shrugs, because he's at a loss for words too, but that's okay because this isn't the kind of situation where there *are* any words. John starts laughing, this low quiet laugh and Rodney gives him a look like he's maybe the most insane person he's ever met, but then he starts laughing too, and maybe he's right. Maybe Rodney and John *are* the two most insane people they've both ever met, but at least they're insane *together*.
And John's moving before he even knows what he's doing, never stops to think about it, not even when his knees hit the floor and his hands raise to switch the puddle jumper to auto pilot because they've got fifteen hours ahead of them and auto-pilot flies straighter than Rodney ever does *anyway*, so what's the harm?
He's looking up at Rodney and he's just grinning, and he thinks he probably hasn't grinned like this since they'd walked through that damned gate, but he knows that if he'd ever let himself think about it, he'd have known that of course it would be Rodney that would get him to.
But Rodney can never just let anything happen, he's always got to be active, so he's frowning down at John and his eyebrows are punching together in a worried furrow and he's saying "Major, what the hell," and John's not even paying attention, he's just sliding up closer to Rodney and gliding his hands up his thighs and listening to the way Rodney's last word bites off abruptly on a sucked in breath as John's fingers start fumbling with the buttons on Rodney's pants.
Rodney's hands are pushing at his, but John can be a determined fucker so he just loops his fingers over the top of Rodney's pants and looks at him and says "Let me, I want to" and he doesn't even know what he wants, doesn't know what he's going to do, just knows that he has to, that he'll know it when he gets there, just has to let his body take him there.
Rodney's fingers are curling around his arms and Rodney's babbling and "don't have to" and "didn't do it so you would" and "please, John, you're not even thinking straight" and God, the way he says that, the way he says John, maybe the first time he's ever used his first name and John didn't know that would be a turn on until it was, and he starts jerking on Rodney's pants, because the stupid zipper is stuck on dirt and sand and sweat, but finally he gets it unzipped.
He's mumbling about "know i don't have to" and "want to" and even "want *you*" and he hasn't felt like this in *years* but it's good, it's good to not be so in control of himself for once, because he can trust Rodney, he knows he can trust Rodney, because he's *Rodney* and he came out there for him like some big damn hero.
And he does, he *does* want Rodney, and he thinks maybe he has for some time now, because his body's reacting to Rodney's hitched breaths and held in sighs, and he's hard before he even wraps his fingers around Rodney's cock and looks up into his face and sees, actually *sees* the moment when Rodney *gets* it, that this is *happening.*
And Rodney says "oh, god" and it's the sexiest thing John's ever heard and he starts stroking Rodney, soft and slow and saying "gonna make this so good for you Rodney, so good" and Rodney's eyes are shutting and his head is falling back and John has to stretch up, lift up on his legs so he can reach Rodney's throat, bite at it and lick at it and taste the sweat that's there. Rodney bucks into his hand when he does it so he does it again, licks a hot wet stripe up the side and then Rodney's hand is in his hair, fingers clutching at him like if he doesn't hold him there John's gonna leave and John has to smile, because Jesus, Rodney, he *started* this, he's not going to leave, and it's just so perfectly *Rodney* to think that he might.
Rodney's panting into his ear and making these low sexy sounds and John doesn't even have to touch himself, knows already that he's going to come from this, from listening to Rodney, from feeling Rodney writhe underneath his hand, and he starts stroking him faster and he's panting too.
Rodney's saying 'oh god' and 'fuck' and 'faster, I'm gonna..' and John's saying 'come on, Rodney' and 'yeah' and 'come' and then Rodney is, and John is too, just like he knew he would, and his head is spinning and h e thinks he's maybe babbling but he doesn't know what he's saying because Rodney's grabbing his face and kissing him, and that hadn't been part of the plan, but then neither had any of this, so John just goes with it, let's Rodney's tongue sweep in his mouth as his dick jerks it's final spasms.
And it's perfect, everything's perfect, because they're both alive and they're both breathing. Except John can't right now so he has to pull away from the kiss, bury his forehead in Rodney's shoulder and start laughing, because this is insanity and he *knows* it is, and what's even more insane is that he *doesn't fucking care*.
Rodney's fingers are in his hair and John doesn't want them to ever leave. "Uh. Major?"
John lets lose one more laugh and raises his head. "Yes, Rodney?"
Rodney looks at him, confused but glowing, looking sexed out and sexy as hell and John just has to touch, reach up and touch his lips, because he just *kissed* those lips, and Rodney just keeps blinking at him. "What was that?"
John grins up at him. "I believe in Earth terms we call that a hand job."
And Rodney looks annoyed and that's just so perfectly *Rodney* that John's grin gets a little wider. "Yes, well, I know *that*, but what I'm saying is--"
And John shuts him up with another kiss, this one quick and over way too soon. "Rodney? Shut up. Most guys go incoherent when they've just come."
Rodney's eyebrows raise. "What gave you the impression I was most guys?"
And John laughs. "Well clearly, you're not. The point is. Stop talking." And Rodney opens his mouth again and John's hands land on his thighs and squeeze. "Rodney! SHUSH!"
John gets up and frowns down at his messy pants and really, honestly, he should have been thinking there for at least a *little* while, because if he had been he would have at least *unzipped* them. "We're alive, Rodney. And you're... you..." And again John's at a loss for words so he just looks at Rodney and hopes Rodney can read him. "I wanted to."
Rodney looks flabbergasted and John holds in the laugh he can feel at that because he's pretty sure Rodney will take offense at this point, and really, why had it never occurred to him that of *course* Rodney would be a *girl* about this? "Shouldn't we talk about this?"
And John rolls his eyes and sinks back down in his seat. "I don't know, Rodney. How about you talk, and I'll sleep."
"It was kind of a long day, Rodney."
"Yes, a long day, yes it was, a long day in which I SAVED YOUR LIFE!"
And John *does* laugh then, because hurt feelings or not, Rodney really is funny. "Yes you did."
"Yes. I did. And. And then."
"Hand job, Rodney, it's called a hand job."
"I KNOW WHAT IT'S FUCKING CALLED, MAJOR!"
"Jesus, Rodney, chill."
"Chill?! YOU JUST GAVE ME A HANDJOB!"
"And you are the first guy I've ever given a hand job to that's freaked out about it IMMEDIATELY after coming!"
"Well excuse me if I... wait... first... you've given hand jobs to other--"
"I'M SORRY, MAJOR, BUT I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED HERE!"
"Rodney, I'm TIRED!"
"Stupid... idiotic... " Rodney fades off, still grumbling.
"Keep it up, Rodney."
"Of all the asinine things--"
"Keep talking and I won't suck you off when we get home."
"-- to do, he just comes... and... wait"
"Did it finally penetrate?"
"Suck me... off?"
"Can I go to sleep now?"
"You're really gonna..."
John slits his eyes open and gives Rodney a long slow head to toe that leaves nothing to the imagination. "You shut up and I will."
Rodney says nothing else. For the next 14 hours.